Roasting an Email I got

I basically got a bunch of one-panel comics in an Email, and, in the style of The Comics Curmudgeon, I decided to mock them. Here goes:
Lady, trust me, if your husband's anything like the ones I hear about, his computer likely smells like Beer, Doritos, Cheetos, Sweat, possibly Blood, Cheap Energy Drinks, etc.

So in other words, you DON'T want to smell like a computer.

Unless it's mine, which smells like I do.
Considering that I shower twice a day, it doesn't really smell at all.

My god, this is the saddest one-panel strip I've ever seen. Really, just read between the lines here. I'm too busy crying.
Look at that mother's face, what kind of "baby" is that? I'm thinking it's really an Alien, or Demon, or Mutant. Maybe he could grow up to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja... Hamster? Yeah, Hamster, let's go with that.
I'm assuming this is years later when he's in his probably not-mutated teenage years.
Seriously, though, why don't the parents simply open the door to his room?

Maybe the son is dead, and they simply won't accept his death, and they're using what little sanity they have left to type this one last email. Maybe they did realize he's dead, and by "Come downstairs" they mean to come down from the Afterlife, and join them for one last Dinner together as a family. Or maybe the parents are just @#$% dumb, who knows?

No, you can't. Firstly, this was written in 1995, and back then, not many people had those things. Yes, you can tape a movie from cable TV, but no you can't "fax" anything from a VCR to anything, even a CD-ROM, also, a CD-ROM couldn't possibly hold a whole movie without severe quality loss, and even then, you can't Email a file that @#$% huge, and certainly not to a Cell Phone, which wouldn't even hold that much data in the first place.

And even if you could do all that, you'd still be doing something illegal. Of course, I've downloaded my fair share of Torrents, so nobody's really gonna care.

I know, I'm obsessive, aren't I?

Apparently, David thinks that life is an RPG where your name can only be four characters long.

If that were the case, I'd be Rita, even though I'm a guy.
Why do you have that many passwords anyway? You only need five that are easy for you to remember, and every time you create a new account, simply pick one of those five, and use that.
How on earth do you tattoo something there anyways?
Hot dog, a lobotomy! Maybe he'll need a new kidney to play the latest WoW expansion.

I can see why he wants to stay away from those kids, look at that ugly thing.
My guess is that last baby had a virus, or, heck, maybe the babies are viruses.

You try to download Sims 3, BAM! You get a baby.

Ah well, at least there are Safe Haven laws.

Ummmm, why would you brag that you had your @#$%^ cut off against your will by some guy in a lab coat? To most Men, that would be a fate worse than death.

First off, those are two really ugly looking dogs. Second, what's wrong with cats? I've known some very nice cats in my lifetime. I've even heard of dogs that live with cats and get along just fine. Heck, I've seen a dog keep a pet cat. So chances are, there's no real reason they shouldn't get along just dandy. Go for it, doggie!